Today's silly kid story

Some of you have already heard this story, so if you have, just X on out........

A cold, blustery day,............Ms. Lori is outside in the courtyard with a dozen primary students and the classroom door closes (and locks) behind her.

"Miz Lori, Miz Lori...............I need to go pee..." says M.

"Well, come on M.....hold it till we get inside" says I

We run toward the door and bang on it, hoping Ms. Nadine will open the door for us....

A. (small blonde girl, 3 years old) runs with us....

"uh- oh,.........Mz. Lori" says M.

I turn and see M. (small boy) standing in a puddle with liquid splashing out of his shoes, and steam rising off of his pants..

"I peed, Mz. Lori" says M.

A. screams........."Do something Mz. Lori.............his pants is smoking!"

I love these kids, and I love this job..............

Where else do you get such drama with so little problem?

Love, love,......love..............

Here is the thing about love...........It feels great sometimes, it feels horrible sometimes, and most of the time it feels alot like flannel sheets and fuzzy slippers. Sometimes it feels like you are drowning, and sometimes it feels like a part of your body has been severed.................sometimes there is this huge gaping hole in your heart that nothing............no amount of anything will fill.

It feels like the sun only shines on the one you love,.............

And then you grow up.

Love........no one can take it away, change the color, make it bigger, make it smaller, re-arrange it. No one can hide it in the closet, "ground" you from it, tell you have to finish your homework or your housework for it.

It can't be bought, sold or traded, and once it's yours, it is yours to keep.

Love is the thing that keeps you going when you have cleaned up after a sick child for the fifth time in one night.......it's the thing that makes you forgive,....and forgive,.....and forgive.....and it's the thing that makes you forget and go right back.

Love cannot be destroyed. No one can take it......No matter how bad love hurts, it is ours, and ours to hold, handle, throw away, bury, or treasure.

Sometimes love morphs...........When we love and lose, we don't really lose...........We just change it into another kind of love. A love that gladdens and grows........ a love that leavens our relationships, and stretches our souls.

There is romantic love, mother love, crazy love, and being in love. There is companionable love, sister love, baby love and puppy love...

We have one teacher of love........and if we listen, really listen, we can find Him all around us.

Love.......the more we give away, the more we get back.

New Year

So, I came to realize that it had been over a year since I wrote anything here.......anything at all.........even a word. There are so many words I could have written this past year......like fear or bitterness,..................desperation. Deep sorrow for a friend........................followed by wondrous amazement for same friend. Pride.

Other words I could have written. Melancholy. Nostalgia. Grief. Exhaustion. Worry. I guess one of the more important words this past year has been Acceptance.

I have accepted (finally) that the world will never be the same.......I will never be a young mother again, in fact I will never be a young anything again, ........I will never live in a world with my mother again, with my dear Glenn, and I will never awaken in the morning with that sense of carefree abandon.

But.................when I review this year, there are other words I could write, and some of them, for the very first time. Words like nurturing and kind, creative. Capacity for caring.......Stage designer.

Artistry. Teacher.

I have become. I am someone I can be proud of.....................and maybe I already have been, but being it and knowing it, feeling it, walking in it's shoes................that is completely different.

All those years ago when I thought of who I would be when I got to this place in my life, I have become....(although if I am being honest, I thought I would be here alot more peace-filled and IMMENSELY more prosperous).

So, as the New Year begins, I am. I am not in between roles, wondering who I am and where I am going. I am here, and maybe I can fold and put away the map, start to build my home and live in "this" place. I can genuinely BE this me and be the best I can be.