New Year

So, I came to realize that it had been over a year since I wrote anything here.......anything at all.........even a word. There are so many words I could have written this past year......like fear or bitterness,..................desperation. Deep sorrow for a friend........................followed by wondrous amazement for same friend. Pride.

Other words I could have written. Melancholy. Nostalgia. Grief. Exhaustion. Worry. I guess one of the more important words this past year has been Acceptance.

I have accepted (finally) that the world will never be the same.......I will never be a young mother again, in fact I will never be a young anything again, ........I will never live in a world with my mother again, with my dear Glenn, and I will never awaken in the morning with that sense of carefree abandon.

But.................when I review this year, there are other words I could write, and some of them, for the very first time. Words like nurturing and kind, creative. Capacity for caring.......Stage designer.

Artistry. Teacher.

I have become. I am someone I can be proud of.....................and maybe I already have been, but being it and knowing it, feeling it, walking in it's shoes................that is completely different.

All those years ago when I thought of who I would be when I got to this place in my life, I have become....(although if I am being honest, I thought I would be here alot more peace-filled and IMMENSELY more prosperous).

So, as the New Year begins, I am. I am not in between roles, wondering who I am and where I am going. I am here, and maybe I can fold and put away the map, start to build my home and live in "this" place. I can genuinely BE this me and be the best I can be.