Weekend Warrior

I want to be....................I DESPERATELY want to be..................I want to come home on Friday night, after working hard all week, and I want to be able to tear into everything that I have missed all week.

I want to get into my garage...LITERALLY! I want to be able to get into it, and use it. This means I must first clear a path,..................then make my way into it, toss a lot of nothing into trash bags for the garbage man, stack up lots of other nothings, in case I ever *need* them...(I am sure you other pack rats out there know what I mean.), and move the remaining *important* things around so that they are in a position to be useful to me. Somewhere in the wild ramblings of my mind, this space is going to be my studio....I will knit here, paint here, sew here, sculpt here, maybe even swim here..............(it has been done before, thank you Mr. Page)

The thing is, I never manage to make my way here to be able to do the clean-up.....

And why???

Because I am so busy trying to carve out some time for myself, that I don't have time to carve out some time AND some space for myself.

Today my idea was to wash clothes,..............(especially good idea since I am now wearing hubby's boxers since my undies are all in a large wicker basket waiting to be laundered).Did I get that done?

Nope!

My next idea for today was to get out the sewing machine, and get out some fabrics and make Lindsey and I some awesome skirts to wear now that the snow has finally gone and the sun is shining. You know what I realized? I am really not a sewing kind of girl..............oh, yes, I can make do, and actually, I did make one skirt for Lindsey, out of some frilly, flow-y, sparkly lavender chiffon -like fabric, but truthfully? It was like pulling teeth.....................WELL ROOTED TEETH!....................I now have a sewing machine, several spools of thread, scissors, 6 or 7 stacks of fabric and2 pairs of glasses lying on the dining room table.....(where earlier there was a simply, understated fruit bowl) I would say, I have now made more work for myself.....and EVEN less time tomorrow for anything else, since I have now created a dining room mess to be cleaned up.

I also wanted to clean off my front porch, dress it up a bit for spring..............make a few pillows for the porch swing, hang a star lantern, perhaps even clean out the collections of boxed junk hiding under a covered table out there..............Nope! didn't happen!

So what did I do today? I watched my grandbaby learn to sort shapes and colors into a Sesame Street learning toy.......and I got the unspeakable joy of hearing him say, "melmo,....melmo", over and over again..................and to this Nana, that was the best sound ever. I managed to do something very, VERY difficult that I thought I never would be able to do on circular needles...(the jury will remain out on this particular project for a few more days)...........But mostly, I used my most precious commodity,,....my time,..............lamenting how little time there is, and little time I have, and how MUCH time I need..........

What a waste of a perfectly good Saturday. So tonight, as I ease my troubled conscience by blogging, I am telling myself that "Tomorrow I WILL get something done...........tomorrow I WILL make up for the wasted time today....." Tomorrow I will do laundry, at least one load so I can wear girl panties to work on Monday, I will get into the garage, at least long enough to put the dining room fabric away,......tomorrow, I will go to the front porch...I will. I will go out there, look at how much needs doing, and I will turn around and walk back inside.

I will go into my backyard and feel defeated by the weeds taking over my border.....I will lie in my hammock *planning* my garden, and when tomorrow night rolls around, I will be lamenting my lack of accomplishment out there, as I am lamenting my lack of accomplishment in here tonight................

And when Sunday night turns into Monday morning, I will already be planning.................Next weekend, I will be a weekend warrior...........I will work in the garden, clean my garage, sew some skirts,walk the dog, do the laundry, bake a cake, and maybe even lie in the hammock reveling in my successes.

April fools day

Yup..........here it is again.....

I remember April Fool's day fondly for most all of my life....My mom, almost EVERY single year, tried the same prank on me....."Lori, (while gently shaking me awake in the morning",.........Lori, there has been snow overnight. School is canceled! Snow Day!"..........(even as a child, I ADORED the life-giving, mental health-sustaining, snow day). And then after 3 minutes of pure, joyous bliss, she would laugh and say, "April Fools Day!!!!!!!!"

Now that I think about it, alot of my childhood bliss memories started with me lying in drowsy happiness with a promise from my mom. I had a recurring dream as a child, (well, I had 3 recurring dreams as a child, but for our purposes here, just one).........my mom would come to my bedside, gently awaken me, and put a plate of warm, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies on my bed. They would smell heavenly, and even in my fugue state, I could see the melted chocolate dripping down the cookies and onto the plate. I would feel the warmth transfer from the plate of cookies to the blankets, and it was more than I could bear. I would sit up, reach for the largest, chewiest cookie, and then, alas, I would wake up and realize it had all been a dream. Oh, the disappointment......

And the worst part..................this dream happened over and over and over again.....either that or it was so traumatic that it stayed with me forever. I can remember , (at least it seems this way) waking up to the cookies on many occasions, and saying to myself, somewhere in the depths of my sleep fogged brain, "It's just a dream, there's no cookies there...........don't fall for it", and yet, fall for it, I did. Every single time! and you ask? "Why is this a bliss memory?"

Because the joy I felt at my mom being there, first thing in the morning......the joy of a warm, chewy, chocolate thing, made by my mom, just for me.....was bliss. Illusion? Yes, but a real one. One that could have happened.....................Morning was definitely the time for Mom miracles in my childhood.

But I digress.................I was talking about April Fool's day.....Do you remember the pranks? the jokes? Surely I was not the only one who delighted in them........I remember the other kids, writing notes that said, "kick me", and pinning them or taping them on the back of other kids. While I would NEVER have done such a thing, (far too shy and diminuative), I secretly watched and laughed and thought how clever such a thing was.....

And then there was the great hoax of 1984.....A bright and shiny April Fools day morning.......(much like today) Another morning........................(much like those mornings of my childhood), but this time, I am a grown up. Glenn is lying in bed next to me, languishing over the warm sun bathing us both in springtime warmth. "Lori," he says, "It is a beautiful day....I can't go to work......Will you call in for me?" "No,", I hissed....."I am NOT calling in for you. If you want to call off work, do it for yourself" Well, for those of you who know me, you also know that I am very easily persuaded, and was particularly vulnerable to the persuasive tactics of one Glenn V Davis.................

"What will I say? What sounds like the truth?....Glenn, you are going to make me go to hell doing this". He laughs, and then says, "It's April Fool's Day,.....they expect a little prankery" My conscience goes right out the window..............my moral compass points south, and, AS USUAL, I am talked into playing silly games with Glenn.

"Well, we are not sure.......................rash,..............fever,............all of them,....yes,....as soon as we know.....okay, ....okay,........thanks, appreciate your concern......bye now", and then I hang up the phone and giggle. Glenn laughs, I laugh, and by now all three of the babies are awake and laughing.....I am remembering those paper signs, "kick me", and I laugh all the more......Glenn has coached me, and I have called his work, (which shall remain nameless) told his boss the kiddies all have some sort of rash, fever, and that we need to take them to the doctor, and so Glenn needs off for the day. They buy it, hook, line and sinker.................

We play, we eat, we picnic,.........................we take a walk, we fly kites,................we all lay down for a nap in the warm spring sunshine, and we mostly just enjoy this fine April day with each other and with our children, forgetting completely about our responsibilities, our "real" lives as mother and father and worker, as husband and wife, and member of society.

By afternoon, we are all played out...............the babies come inside with me to watch Sesame Street while I go into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Glenn lounges on the sofa, reading a book about Robert E. Lee.......the sun is low in the sky, and we are all happy, sated with our day playing hookie, and the phone rings....

"Yes,...........oh wow, Nathan, I forgot...............yes, ....yes,...............Oh no, not at all. Sorry you were worried.....yes,.....it's fine.....yes, tomorrow,...nothing serious....okay. Well, get some sleep" Glenn finishes the phone call and hangs up. He looks at me and says, "We forgot to call work after we *took the kids to the doctor*" (lies have a way of getting away from you, and it is impossible to remember, sometimes, who you told what to, and when). "uh-oh", I say.

"Everyone at work has been waiting for my call today.....they have been worried sick. Worried about the babies, AND worried about their wives..............and their babies..........."

"I thought we were the only ones with babies at work"....

"Exactly," he said "We are.........the others are ALL expecting babies...............They have been waiting around all day fearing that our babies had rubella, and that I had been carrying the virus into the shop all week long".......

Uh-oh.....................I go white, thinking about how they must have worried......Me, with my over-anxious, over-working brain, and knowing that if I were pregnant and exposed to rubella how I would have panicked, imagining the birth defects..................

Okay, so this is where I learned about having fun with April Fool's Day. Since that day,..........I realize that fear is not fun, worry is not fun.................

So, if you hear me asking you if you want a chocolate chip cookie, warm from the oven..............I might be lying if it is April Fool's Day, but if you hear me tell you that your car is on fire, you had better call 911, because I am not bluffing, and I am not fooling.........