I want to slide in the snow. I want to play in the sand. I want to plant morning glory seeds and watch as they grow into strong and vigorous vines, twisting and climbing up my front porch and onto my rocker. I want to sit beneath a bower of blooms at midnight and close my eyes to the heady fragrance of sweet summer sunshine.
I want to play....I want to jump in the surf and ride the waves, and eat hot, salty, french fries under an umbrella. I want to find a large grassy hill, and roll all the way down, tumbling faster and faster into wild clover below. I want to sit on a creek bank and dangle my feet in the water. I want to watch you catch fish, Michael, while I recite poetry and you pretend to listen.
I want to work. I want to bake bread with nuts and with seeds and with oats, and take it out of the oven hot and spread it with butter and share it with my family. I want to hang my sheets outside on a windy day to admire the way they flap and fly in the breeze, and to lay on them all night and smell the wind and the sun. I want to pull weeds in the garden, and when no one is looking, sit down on that large rock, and rub a tomato on my jeans and eat it, still warm from the sun.
I want to fly a kite one day, in a field all alone, running and running till I reach the road. I want to go to Vermont and live off the land, at least for a little while, so I can catch my breath and get back to living real life. (Am I complaining ?) (I just want some time to "be") I want to stand atop a mountain that no one has ever stood on before and shout at the top of my lungs..
I want to ride in a boat, all the way and back again....I want to sail the sparkling sea....(which I have done thanks to my wonderful husbands wonderful parents)
I want to walk down the back yard, through the garden gate and into Miss Lolly's. I want to paint large pictures of roses and nasturtiums and not even care if they look like blobs. I want children to surround me as though I am not even there. I want to listen raptly as they talk to each other about frogs and about doll babies, and about how they believe the world to be.
And I want to believe the way they believe the world to be. I want to wake with the sunrise, and rest with the sunset and never, ever think about tomorrow. I want to sleep the slumber of the innocent, waking in perfect peace with no fears for the day.
I want to watch the dust motes in the late afternoon sunshine with a cup of tea and a ball of yarn on my lap. I want to be lulled into comfort by the sounds of the harbor in Maine.
I want to gather round my family on a cold Christmas Eve, and read stories and tell tales of times long ago. I went to hold them all close and for a short time, make our world a safer and warmer place. I want to remember, when we are scattered to the winds, how our memories have anchored us to something larger than ourselves.
I want lots of grandchildren....(better get busy, you older ones). I want one who can sing, and once who can dance, one who can sew, and one who can make us all laugh. I want one who is studious, one who is shy, and one who is hell on wheels, so I can sigh and say, "She is just like me when I was her age" I want one who plays ball, and one who plays banjo, and I want to live in a world where all of them can be anything they want to be.
I want to be a part of the world around me. I want to stand tall and speak the truth, in love and in care. I want to spend my time and my energy making the world a better place. And I want to spend time and energy enjoying it.
Mostly, I want time. I want the time to stop and appreciate, the time to nurture a growing thing, the time to savor the fruits of our earth and the fruits of our labor. I want time to make something, something lovely to hold or lovely to wear. I want time to share comfort, or pride or a hundred other emotions that we humans have. I want time so that I can give, and in the giving, get back... someone once told me that I was doing God's work. I wish I had time to work more for God, and less for me, more for what is really important and less for the almighty dollar.
I want to paint you a picture and make you a meal, the kind of meal that nourishes your soul as well as your body. I want to knit you a hat, of soft warm alpaca. I want to hold your hand in my hand and share precious moments letting you know how much you mean to me. I want to pray together, knowing that we are all God's children, the old and the young, the fat and the thin, the black and the white............I want all of God's children to know the love that I've known.
On my darkest days, in the dimmest of times, when things seemed hopeless, HE keeps bringing me back to Him with His love and His acceptance, and me, I want to live like that, AND I want us all to live like that.
I want to be the change I wish to see......
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