the "historical" friend....that person who has known you since you were barely more than a baby, the one who can reference all of those important milestones of your childhood and early adulthood....
one, the "spiritual" friend............pretty self explanatory, I think...
I don't remember the others, but I have a few of my own to add to the list....
The "hair coloring" friend"..We all have a friend like this. She is the one to egg us on, drag us kicking and screaming into the 21th century...Usually, she is also the "trashy lingerie" friend, too. Let's admit it. This friend is fun....We can get downright raunchy with this friend. She is often also, our "let's hit the bar" friend.....I've had a friend like this....her name was Ellen, I won't go into more information (got to protect the guilty, you know) but Ellen, if you are out there, and you are reading this, You will always hold a special place in my heart...and though it has been years since we have played together, I will never forget the times we shared...(and neither will the local police)..Oh, yes, I am only kidding. It was never *really* that bad.....and besides, I am fairly certain that strip poker is legal in all 50 states.
There is also the "Betty Crocker" friend....You all know her, too. She is the one you call when you need to have the perfect recipe for dessert when your in-laws are coming to dinner. She always knows the right formula for getting hair color (reference friend A) out of your lovely ivory cashmere sweater...and she is the very best at reminding you when school pictures are being taken or when it is your turn to bring the juice and snack bars to soccer practice. Make no mistake about it,...though she appears to the naked eye as a Stepford Wife alumni, once you really get to know her, she'll let you in on a few of her secrets, and somewhere inside the facade of Maybelline and Lands End clothing, you will find a secret gypsy wannabe, just bursting to be released.
Then there's the long distance friend......You can tell her anything, and I do mean ANYTHING....she is too far away to let the snaky little details of your big secret out to the neighborhood. And even if she isn't, chances are, she has told you some secret of her own which you can hold over her he......er, uh,....I mean, you have a mutual trust with this friend.
And speaking of the neighborhood, we all have the "neighborhood friend". We talk over coffee at the bustop in the morning, discuss the progress on the renovation of 246, down the street.....She is the friend you call when your car won't start and you need jumper cables, and you need them now. She is also the one you call when your in-laws are coming for dinner and your cake fell (reference friend B). She ALWAYS has a stash of those Pepperidege Farms frozen cakes.....and if you have time, you can call your Betty Crocker friend to tell you how to disguise it as your own.
This friend is a lifesaver, and when you need some spying on your teenage son, she is MORE than happy to interject some espionage into her day on your behalf. She is the neighborhood police, and nothing and no one gets by her.
Then there's the "down to earth" friend. In my case, this is my Aunt Jane...She will never, and I do mean NEVER, let you get away with feeling sorry for yourself. When you need a pick me up, she'll help with your laundry, she'll even scrub your floor, but don't count on her for the "you poor dear thing..." routine. And the gifts..This friend, (Thank you, aunt Jane) will always have something completely inspiring to give you during times of stress. I remember the time my aunt Jane gave me an entire bolt of muslin for Christmas. and because the trauma (whatever it was) came in October, she didn't waste time getting it to me...and she didn't mince words.."Sew yourself up a new quilt. You'll feel better,..and whatever you do, DON'T hang it on the wall. Quilts are meant to keep people warm, not walls" This friend understands your passion for all things flannel, and can share in your delight at a pot of white beans and a pan of cornbread on a cold winter night. She never, ever is without a fresh pot of coffee, and you can usually count on her for a hidden stash of something harder..(though not my Aunt Jane)
Those are just some kinds of friends...There are fake friends, work friends, "Mom- friends"...there are silly friends, friends you love but hate to spend time with...What I am talking about now are some die-hard, "I got your back", "I'll love you no matter what you tell me", "I'll hide the evidence" kind of friends....
Mary and Brenda...Thank you. When I think of all the days and weeks and months and now years you have been there for me, I could almost cry. That is if I weren't so busy laughing. There are things that you all know about me that NO ONE knows about me...and YOU STILL LOVE ME!!! I say this in amazement...All of the dirty little corners in my soul have been exposed to you.....the crumbs and scummy stuff on the floor of my brain.....the straight-up, straight-out crazies!!
You and me, girlies............we talk food and children and in-laws,.....we talk about sex and shampoo and the meaning of life. Philosophy, anatomy and animal husbandry....You all have been there through the thick and thin (mostly thin) of my growing up and growing old, and in your eyes, and through your eyes, I am young. I am old. I am a girl, I am a granny. I am!! I AM! I can be whatever I want to be, and mostly, after all of these years getting to this point, .....that is....to be me...to be myself.
Someone once called you my imaginary friends...(you know who that someone is). imaginary? NOT! You are the realest, truest friends I have. I love you. I love you for the lovely and tasty crumbs on the floor of your brain...and for the crazies, and the jollies that you share with me. You are beautiful, and you are true.
On a bad day, I fret and freak and fuss about, all the while wishing you were here. and one day, my friends, you will be....But until that day, I am here and I offer everything that I am to you.
Come away with me, at least in our minds, and we can be anything we want to be....We already are.
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